What It Means to See a Child

As summer comes to a close and fall begins, a level of hyper scheduling also begins. Some of us live for summer with the opportunities of unknown adventures ahead, while others are excited to go back to a routine where most of everyday is planned and known. Wherever you fall into either category, it is undeniable that there is a transition from summer to fall that impacts all of us. From a private practice standpoint the most amount of referrals, especially for children, are made between the months of September and October.

When I began my journey of completing my Masters of Social Work, I couldn't decide between two streamline concentrations (among others): individual (clinical), or child and family. As I spoke with many mentors, it was quickly discovered that the route of child and family ultimately covers the clinical, but not inversely. I knew then, I never wanted to do individual work for individual sake. Don't get me wrong, I very much enjoy individual work with clients, however, I have always wanted to know the impact of that individual work on the family and community that the person(s) live and do life with. I'm most widely known for my work with children. However, I know that to do excellent work with children, I need to fully understand the systems that impact them. Children inherently do not have the same amount of autonomy as adults. To do this well, I pursued years of training for couples therapy post masters, as well as family therapy post masters. My entire career, I've had a heart for children that have experienced trauma. This ultimately meant I needed to have a heart and understanding for the people and systems that the child engages with and ultimately values as important in their life, along with impacting their identity.

It is one thing to acknowledge that there are system impacts and it is another thing to understand in depth the impacts of systems. There is an important difference between the two. Whether you choose Riptide, or somewhere else in the world for your child's mental health to be supported, I hope that you take this information and hold it close. Use it as your litmus test. It does not mean that people can't do good work within the silo they are trained to do work in. However, it is a call to professionals to continue to strive for excellence in any population that they choose to specialize in. If you're choosing to only work with adults and you know that - follow that path and also consider that knowing a child's needs while working with a parent can be an important piece, even if it's not your main focus.

Children are teachers of the things we need to rewire from childhood. Let us not confuse our lesson learned by allowing a child to be a caregiver in our lives.

Riptide has recently expanded the team in terms of those who are trained in Play Therapy. We now have four affiliates who are fully trained through the Canadian Association of Play Therapy (and two others almost to the finish line)! These therapists are not only trained in play therapy but have focused on couples and family trainings as well to inform their practice. It allows our team to offer wrap around services for those families looking for that level of care, or simply to inform our practice in a way that best supports a child that walks through our doors. This ultimately means that as you share a life struggle in an individual setting, we can understand the context and impact on the person(s) and systems that you engage with on a day to day basis. It also means that when working with families, we take the time to understand each person individually, as well as collectively, so that our approach can best match the needs presented. Our ultimate goal is fostering connection (to self and to others). To do it well, we must have a lens that can both expand larger to understand the full context and the ability to choose where to zoom in and meet the underlying pain point that ultimately offers more freedom and connection in your life and your families lives.

We were wired for connection. That is the part that sounds simplistic, however there is complexity to dynamics and pain points that can sometimes be important for a therapist to support you or your family with.

As we transition from summer into fall, may you find new ways of connecting with yourself and your family. May you find the support you need to be able to show up for your child in the ways that they need you. May you be surrounded by a village that understands not only your individual needs, but the ways in which our responses to you as an individual directly impact not only you, but those you are close to (family, friends and the communities you are apart of). May we all find ways to wonder about whether our offer of support includes a multidimensional lens and how we need to stretch our own knowledge and views as we choose to take on a helping or caretaking role. May you have the courage to change what is necessary for your child to grow up with love, acceptance and a safe harbour while they learn about and experience the world. If you're in a place of not knowing how to find that village, be that villager, or parent, reach out for support. There is a place for you here as you find footing in your own community/world. I learned long ago that those who have lost the ability to see through the eyes of a child have a block/paint point that gets in the way of seeing. Sometimes it becomes an inability to separate oneself from the pain. One of my most favourite things to do as a therapist is working with the inner child. We all still have that child somewhere in us (and we are still connected to the family and systems that shaped us).

To see our children fully and to meet our children's needs, means we also need to walk our own path of healing. It is the greatest gift we can give our children (and ourselves). To see our children is to see ourselves (with grace, compassion, understanding, context and a lack of judgement).