We Accept Good Vibes Only

This quote was chosen by none other than the incredible Ashley Ketch, of Ashley Marie Creative Studios. It was done as an example for the rest of the quotes on the sweatshirts that you have seen over this past year on the blog. [PS - she's an incredibly talented artist who brings my craziest dreams to life over the past 13 years of knowing her.] I loved it as an example, laughed at it's messaging, thought it was "cute" but did not feel it fit our branding. My daughter fell in love with it and requested a sweatshirt be made for her with it on it last Christmas.

My fear was that it would be taken the wrong way. That it would be understood in the way that it is predominantly used in society: the presentation of a boundary with an intention of exclusion. Or perhaps the idea that you cannot talk about hard things. [If you do currently use this quote in this way, please consider the alternative I'm suggesting here.]

The more I've looked at the sweatshirt in the closet over this past year, the more it has grown on me. My daughter has taught me many things over the years, and perhaps this was another teaching moment of hers. It is not the exclusion of those messy moments, but it's what we choose to let stick to us, or stay in our bodies.

Many of you have watched the movie "Inside Out" (I hope!). If you've watched both you will know that there are stored memories that are kept as what is called "core memories" and they define in many ways who we are. Emotions that get stuck and housed in our body also carry memories (visually, emotionally and physically). When they get stuck, they begin to define us, sometimes in ways that we don't want to be defined. We may find ourselves raging against it, trying to suppress it, avoiding it, denying it, ignoring it, etc. When we use all of these tactics, it still means it sticks to us.

So, how do we become unstuck? Or perhaps less sticky?

We are less sticky when we are resilient. However, what does resilience mean? A mentor of mine, Greg Lubimiv, put on a wonderful presentation this year which really included a culmination of his work over the past 40+ years and what he's learned about resilience. He noticed that there are six different categories that help us be resilient when we have these skillsets. He coined these the six foundational competencies for resilience and they are as follows: (1) Emotional Identification, Expression and Management, (2) Self-Esteem, (3) Empathy, (4) Effortful Control, (5) Self-Regulation and (6) Social Skills. When we go through tough life experiences, if we have these competencies we are better able to be resilient. This makes us less sticky. It doesn't however, mean that there are times in our lives when everyone gets stuck. It may mean that less sticks to us, and with us.

Becoming unstuck is allowing our bodies to heal the way that they need to, so that they don't carry it, or house it deep within us anymore.

If I'm being honest its been a year. Professionally, two office floods, a fire, making hard calls and standing for what we believe in, even when its unpopular. Valuing relationships over money - even when it costs (to name only a few). A good friend "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." I couldn't quite place what she was saying in the depth of what it meant at the time as my teenage self, but I can certainly place it now. That if we do not know what leads us, we will be lead by anything and everything.

When I talk about tough decisions, even when it costs, I need to firmly stand behind knowing who I am (Self-Esteem, Emotional Identification..., Social Skills) and what I stand for (Empathy, Effortful Control, Self-Regulation).

I've been asked to many times as to how I keep going and find joy. Many times things don't stick, but when they do, I take the time I need to process it, until it can become unstuck. When we're stuck, part of becoming unstuck is seeking some professional support (someone like us). Healing isn't done alone, it is processed relationally. We do a good job of being stuck and housing it ourselves. To let it go, it requires a witnessing, a validation, an understanding, and an emotional reflection and processing.

So what does this sweatshirt mean and why are we still talking about these things? As we enter into the new year, the very quote I hid from and avoided last December, I will own in this moment. Here's to fully processing the sticky, and finding ways to become less sticky. To knowing that we do not have to hold onto and accept the pain that isn't ours. So that we can come back to an ability to be more kind, loving and understanding, because we aren't drowning in pain that isn't ours to hold (it's only ours to walk through the unstuck process).

To those who have walked beside me professional and witnessed the year unfold, offering support and allowing space as necessary. Thank you. You are what has made this year manageable to continue to serve others as best as we can. It by no means has been done flawlessly, but it has been done honestly and courageously. As we walk into the new year, perhaps we consider "good vibes only" as a reminder to process what isn't ours to carry, and to bolster ourselves with the necessary skills for resilience... that kind of mindset and way of living that makes you unstoppable.