I'll Be Home for Christmas

I can never write that sentence without singing the song in my head. Being home for Christmas brings so many different emotions to different people. Although it would take more than a short blog post to cover all of it, I wanted to focus on the physical going back home, with the emotional going home (to self).

There is a lot of literature beginning to surface about finding your inner child and nurturing your inner child. When we head home for the holidays we walk down memory lane, we find nostalgia in music, in cooking, in baking, in old friendships. It surrounds us. It can bring back different kinds of memories, which come with feelings of joy, excitement, anticipation, sadness, grief, overwhelm, to name a few.

Christmas time also remains a time of reflection on the year, as we head into a new year. As we reflect on the past year, while walking among the nostalgic moments, we often times find ourselves going back in our memories. As we do this, our bodies go back too. Whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, our bodies take us back to parts of our younger selves, and our younger experiences.

When the emotions, experiences and relationships are left unprocessed from our younger years, they can sometimes resurface during the holidays in a sense of overwhelm. Some of us may revert to people pleasing and attempting to do it all (and be it all). Some of us may re-experience grief, as if it happened yesterday. Some of us may get a sense of wanting to hide, when there's nothing to currently hide from. These are simply examples and ways that our body reverts to previous experiences, which can block us from enjoying the present moment.

It's why sometimes when there are reminders of self care and statements of "you don't have to do it all" that it's hard to listen to. It comes from a space of logic, and does not touch the emotional hold that our past experiences can have on our bodies. What if the pressure you feel to meet the need of the Christmas season, isn't simply about just this Christmas season? What if it is about Christmases past? This question reminds of of the old Christmas tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, who is haunted by ghosts of Christmases past.

What if those ghosts are versions of yourself, who didn't get what they needed?

Unprocessed, as our body remembers, we run the race to meet the present need, without understanding that we may need to look inward around what our younger self missed out on. Perhaps it isn't about how many gingerbread men you make for other families as gifts if it costs you your peace and regulation with your own children and family. Unprocessed, it feels like that is the need that must be met (to not let others down), however, we end up missing the here and now, where we then often let down those that are most important to us. Sometimes, we don't just let people down, but our unregulated systems can cause harm (in the form of anger, explosions, etc. as our bodies remember and our nervous system doesn't know what to do with it).

You may now be asking, what does all this mean and how can I meet the need, without giving the gift of costing other's peace and regulation? If you find yourself dysregulated over the holidays, please take time to slow down, to check in with your system and to check in with a trusted mental health professional if your system still feels overloaded.

Yes - there is stress around the holidays. Yes - there is societal pressure. And, there may be some unprocessed emotions swirling around in your body and unmet needs that have had no place to go. It's okay to go back and to release them in a healthy way, so that we don't continue to release them on the ones we love the most.

As you walk through the Christmas season, as you notice your nervous system becoming dysregulated. Consider the "Yes-And" application. Ask yourself if there is something more there and give yourself (and others) the gift of peace this holiday season. You're younger self will thank you, and so will your future self. Sometimes being brave as your current self is by letting go of the fear and shame that is held around how the unprocessed emotions and experiences have caused harm. Give yourself the grace you need to be able to show up and do something different this Christmas season.