Forgiveness & Boundaries Help Us Love Well

Riptide does come with quite a name. The implication is waves, ocean, strong current, undertows, to name a few. It was named purposefully, and we lead with that purpose. We do not create waves for the sake of creating waves, however we do stand firm in our beliefs, intention and purpose. This statement has so many applications, and yet we are in a season of Riptide in which this applies as much systemically, as it does individually.

Boundaries create waves. It inherently asks that another person is seen and understood. How other's choose to react to healthy boundaries speaks about their own current experience. We are not responsible for other's experiences when it comes to healthy boundaries, but simply for stating our needs as it pertains to our own experience.

As therapists, we support our clients in understanding healthy boundaries and making them actionable. There is a lot of work that can come along with doing something like this, especially if the person is used to taking a caretaker role. We too, at times are called to assert healthy boundaries systemically, that allow for us to maintain longevity in a field that currently comes with a high risk to moral injury and secondary trauma.

Riptide was created for people who have tried a lot of avenues, and feel like there is no place to go. Whether that is because they require a specialization (we are a team of special ops) or simply because they have experienced systemic trauma as they pursued their healing journey and have found themselves further from their goal, rather than closer.

There is no magic wand when it comes to healing. There is no short cut. The deeper the pain point, often the further from relational trust that someone gets, especially from those that have helped, and in helping caused (unintentional) harm. Relational trust and safety are the foundation of the therapeutic relationship, and one that needs to move at the persons comfort level. In a world of helping professionals, this remains paramount in community partners. We can push for numbers, and figures that look good, and ask our clients to smile through the pain, but what we loose in the process is the ability to deeply connect and emotionally process it, so that it no longer lives in their body. It no longer has the same heightened triggering response. It takes as long as a person needs - no more and no less. When did we become a society of numbers and statistics, before the humanity of the very people that sit in front of us? This is a question that needs to be genuinely asked and considered. Until we do this as a society, we will continue to further the systemic trauma, to already traumatized population(s). It is not a surprise as to where we are currently at for mental health. However, talking about it without action and application is the very presence of harm.

What happens as relational community partners are built, and then trust is broken? The answer remains the same on a systemic level, as it does on a personal level: good boundaries. Good boundaries ask for us to be seen in our needs and in the impact of relational engagement. It allows us to say what we stand for, where we can compromise, and where the harm continues to lie (which is where we will not compromise). It means that the intention of good boundaries come with subsequent reactionary judgements, doubt and nay saying. That is okay. It has always been okay. It is what we empower people to be able to do, and do well. We do not have control over the reactionary (although we often like to believe we do). We only have control over setting good and healthy boundaries and of course, how we choose to react to the reactionary: with grace and understanding. That piece is easier to walk through with boundaries.

Good boundaries won't take away the hurt of harsh words, lack of understanding and wild judgment, but it will allow us (and you) to love well. We can only continue to care for others as we also make space for and care for ourselves. We walk the walk, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Not only are we making space for ourselves on this level, we are making waves. Make no mistake, the waves are purposeful. For change. For you, for us, for everyone. Even for those who required the boundary. Compassion becomes boundless, with the support of good boundaries.